This blog post is a bit different to our normal, and gives a real insight into how each new member found their first day…
After two flights, punctuated by a hazy layover in Singapore Airport where we grabbed a few hours of sleep on the floor of the airport lounge, we really weren’t fresh on our first day in Phnom Penh. We breezed through immigration and headed straight for our hotel, La Lune, to drop off our luggage and supplies before hitting the ground running.
Every year the first timers of the group are sent to the Choeung Ek Geneocidal Centre, commonly known as ‘The Killing Fields’ and the Tuol Sleng Genocidal Museum, on the site of the S-21 Camp. Heidi and Caz feel strongly that it is important to visit these places, however horrific, to provide some context about the history of the people we will be interacting with during our time in Cambodia. This year, there are five of us new to the group. Rachael, who is on her sixth trip, put up her hand to be our ‘support person’ on our visit. She was amazing. At the Killing Fields, Rachael encouraged us to do the audio tour, that guides you past 19 important sites with in-depth explanation of what occurred there. We were also encouraged to take our time and go at our own pace. We all took her advice, dispersing as a group and wandering the site as dark rain clouds gathered overhead. When we had all finished our tour, we reconvened as a group, sheltering from the rain in a small café for a quick snack with Mr Rith (No. 1 Tuk Tuk driver!!) before setting off for the S-21 Museum. Of course, each of us all had a very individual experience on this day…
Chloe Hindmarsh
“ I found our first day very heavy, having heard about the Killing Fields many times before from my mum, my sister and my nan, I felt like I had a pretty good idea of what to expect, but to actually be there and to feel the energy of the place was really not something you can be prepared for. The Killing Tree was something I hadn’t heard of before and so to see the place where so many children and babies were murdered was really confronting. Of course, the entire place is full on, every stop doing the audio tour brought something heart breaking, but for some reason the Killing Tree really got me. I was definitely not prepared for Tuol Sleng. Rachael warned us it would be confronting and told us why she wouldn’t be walking through it with us, but I still wasn’t mentally prepared for the dark, heavy energy of that place. I cried in the rooms with the pictures of people’s faces. They were so young. So many kids. It was beyond confronting to see just the thousands of kids who died before I was even alive. And, for them to all have died so violently. Oh it just broke my heart! There’s no way to explain the gravitas of this place, no way to explain how it affects you. I chose not to do the audio tour of the S-21 camp as I found the Killing Fields almost too much, and I knew I wouldn’t have coped well to do both in one day. I found the atmosphere and the history I could see to be educational enough.”
Laura Anderson
“Slightly sleepless and travel weary from our long trip, I wasn’t in the headspace I would have necessarily chosen to be in to visit the Choeung Ek Geneocidal Centre. Many countries I have travelled through have sites devoted to acknowledging the historical atrocities that have occurred there and I believe if you are really invested in making it a learning experience one should be mentally prepared. That is, as prepared as one can be. This is my first time in Cambodia; however, I am aware of what happened here under the Khmer Rouge Regime, so for me it was not as deeply shocking as it may be for one going in completely unaware of the brutalities that occurred in this place. If I had to use one word to describe my experience of the day it would be reflective. I reflected on how something so horrific could not shock me so deeply because we have seen similar horrors played out in other places throughout history. This is, horribly, a part of humanity. And not only in history, similar things are being carried out right now in a few countries around the world. I observed the various behaviour and emotional responses of both my teammates, and other tourists who were visiting the site and how much this varied. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I thought about what this might mean for the people I would be connecting with on this trip. A hell like that experienced here isn’t something that simply exists in the past, it is one that continues to exist for Cambodians both physically, in the form of poverty that is in part a by-product of what happened under the Khmer Rouge, and spiritually. And yet, somehow they continue with grace.”
Nicole Dunne
“Today for me, personally was by far one of the most emotional things I have ever done. I knew what happened here was horrific but to see it in person, where it happened, to stand where these people took their last breaths made me feel every possible emotion all at once. Mass “graves” (I feel like the word grave is not what these are), and the tree where children were beaten to their death, completely innocent of any wrongdoing was horrific. At the S-21 Camp, torture was the main focus and blood stains are still visible on the floor. This was once a school, a place of learning, life and hope. It is now filled with room after room of photos of the victims of one man’s cruel idea of how Cambodia should be. While I was there, I was able to sit and talk with two survivors of this camp and listening to their stories broke me. It took every inch of strength I had to listen and try and hold myself together. But I wanted to know, I wanted to understand. Out of the thousands and thousands held here, how only 23 survived this hell on earth. Experiencing these things changes your outlook on the world and just how lucky we are at home.”
Danny Pulbrook
“I found the day very confronting. However very relevant to provide context to the people we are trying to help and what they have been through. The audio narration at the Killing Fields was really helpful in providing relevant and contextual information to provide a better understanding of what happened there. I felt nothing good came from this and it made me angry and frustrated. At the S-21 camp, seeing each room with the actual bed, chains and photos of how the victims were horribly murdered affected me more than most things. It is hard to understand how this country went through all of this and is still so corrupt. I feel like there should be more change.”
Troy Old
“The fact that even after years at the Killing Fields you can still physically see human bones coming out of the ground without needing to dig, and boxes out displaying bones collected over the years made the reality set in that these were real living, breathing people with lives and families. At the S-21 Camp, with the walls and walls of photos of before and after the brutal murders and beatings that happened there, really hit home for me and made me feel extremely uncomfortable seeing such graphic details. Being able to put a face to the name of the people who did these horrific things made me annoyed at the fact all the unnecessary murders were able to continue for so long.”